The further adventures of Carl and Agnus.

It was time to clean out Stanleys cage. Stanley is a ten year old South American parrot, that speaks perfect English. "p*** o**" said Stanley. Now come on Stanley you know you have to be cleaned. Just then there was a bang on the door. Oh it must be Agnus back from the shops. Yes it was Agnus escorted by two policemen. "Have a nice f****** day" said Agnus to the two nice policemen, now walking down the path.

"Hello slag" shouted Stanley. "f*** o**" said Agnus. "Did you have a nice time at the shops Agnus?". " mind your own f****** business" said Agnus. I was glad Agnus was in a good mood, it made a nice change.

"Would you like a nice cup of tea Agnus?" " I hate f****** tea" said Agnus. Agnus had gone off tea ever since she had been de-ported, two years ago. Its a long story, but the main reason was when she set fire to the hotel bedroom because she said she felt cold.

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Ghost at Speke Hall?

This image of the entrance to Speke Hall in Liverpool was taken in May 2009. If you look carefully in the arch to the left of the door I can make out what looks like a femail person in a long dress looking at, what looks like a dog on the other side of the door.

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Bad Driving

Have you seen a bad driver? Have they been driving too fast? Name and shame here.

Just add their registration number, time and place into comments.

Liverpool a place with everything

Liverpool has everything. Great shopping, interesting sights,museums,the Albert dock,two cathedrals. Take a look!

Liverpool One shopping area.

I must grumble

Ok so how many of you voted Labour on Thursday? Ok so just Mr Brown. So how many of you voted for the Looney party? Ok so none of you voted Tory. Ok so how many of you want to be an Mp? Oh! All of you. Why is that? You want an expenses account; well I am sorry you will just have to join the queue.

Now next week I have to pay for my street light and my bin to be emptied that is going to cost me £128, £1280 per year. Funny that on average in Spain it only costs £200 per year for your bin to be emptied every day. Still I should think there may be councillor’s expenses to pay.

Now as I am sure you all know Dewhurst the butcher is now the new owner of the Post office. You can find the Post office on the 1st floor of W H Smith. If you telephone the Post office you will need to look in a phone book compiled by Dewhurst the butcher. You will need to look under Royal Mail, who will then tell you that you have got the wrong number. Please redial and ring W H Smith they will tell you they know nothing about it, and have you tried the one stop shop, who may have something to do with Abdul Amid, where you can pay your water bill. Sounds familiar! You have not seen anything yet. Just you wait until Dewhurst the butcher starts to sell meat.

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A Man thing, sorry girls

The following article was written for me from a male colleague where i work. So to all you female readers I hope you dont mind if we have a bit of fun. Please read on!!


The Man Rules. At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story.We always hear " the rules "From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.1. Sunday sports : It's like the full moonor the changing of the tides.Let it be.1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.Let us be clear on this one:Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work!Just say it!1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.Don't ask us.1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Motorbikes , or Football,or golf, or $ex .1. You have enough clothes.1. You have too many shoes.1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.Pass this to as many men as you can -to give them a laugh.Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh.

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Contact Me

If you want to contact any of the following people looking for a date,please put contact information in the comments.

Male: aged 48
Height: 5' 9"
Build: medium
Name: Andy
Caring, and with good sence of humour. Likes getting out to visit places.

Femail: aged 33
Height: 5' 2"
Build: small
Name: Jan
Looking for someone to look after me, I am single and have a 5 year old girl.